Inner Strength
by Jiggly Wess
Summary: Susie is feeling sad and alone...how will she deal with her pain?
1. Susie's Pain

Title: Inner Strength  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters you recognise. The song is 'Inner Strength' by Hilary Duff.  
Dedication: To Blaire, Nat, Manda and Cath…my four best friends!  
Summary: Susie is feeling sad and alone…how does she deal with her pain? 

Susie sat by the river deep in thought. It seemed lately she had spent a lot of time thinking, mainly about Jonesy and how she was going to deal with their situation. Jonesy had left the state for a few weeks to deal with family matters and Susie was missing him desperately. Before he left they had fought about something, it was such a stupid fight and Susie couldn't even remember what it was about…but she remembered him walking out of the house and not coming back.

She had found out that she was pregnant the day before Jonesy left and by the time she worked up the courage to tell Jonesy it was too late, he had already gone. She sighed and picked up a rock then threw it into the river. She watched as the calm and gentle, river was disturbed by the sudden appearance of the rock. The water rippled as the rock fell gently down and joined the rest of the rocks and debris on the bottom.

Susie felt like she had nobody to talk to. Kelly and Joss were too busy fighting with each other, Alex was busy trying to keep them separated and Amy just wasn't as much of a friend as Susie had hoped. Just when they were starting to connect, Amy shut Susie out of her life again.

Susie sighed once again and looked at her watch. It was getting late and she promised to meet the others at the pub for a dinner and a drink. She didn't want to go, but she figured it was better than sitting at home alone feeling sorry for herself. She slowly stood up, took one final glance at the river then headed for her car.

As she drove along the road back into town she could see the sun starting to set. The sky was a beautiful crimson red colour and as the sun reflected off the buildings and the fences they too were a light shade of red. She smiled at the beautiful sight and continued on her way to the pub.

"Susie you made it!" Alex cried. "I was beginning to think you weren't coming."

"Well I wasn't going too." Susie mumbled.

"What was that?"

"Nothing." Susie smiled. "So…where are the others?"

"Well its just the four of us. Everyone else was either busy or just didn't want to come."

"Oh…okay." Susie sat down between Alex and Kelly.

"So are you feeling any better?" Kelly asked.

"What?" Susie replied.

"This morning you said you weren't feeling too good. Are you feeling any better?"

"Not much. But I think I might be okay if I get a bit more sleep tonight." Susie replied.

"Okay." Kelly was satisfied with that answer.

"Hey Kell, you want to play pool?"

"Sure…I've been waiting to kick your ass all day!" She stood up.

"You guys want to play too?" Joss asked, standing up.

"No thanks." Susie replied. "I'll sit this one out."

"Yeah I'm right. You guys play…just try not to kill each other."

"Aww…what's the fun in that?" Kelly laughed and she and Joss walked off.

"Hey Susie what's up?"

"Huh?' "Well you've been really down ever since Jonesy left. You're acting like a lovesick puppy."

"What?"

"Yeah. It's so obvious you miss him. Why don't you call him and get him to come back?"

"It's not exactly that easy." "

Why not? You miss him, he probably misses you too…so call him."

"I cant."

"Any particular reason?"

"It's complicated okay. Look I'm tired. I'm going to go home to bed. Goodnight. Apologise to the others for me." Susie stood and before Alex could say anything else Susie had left the pub.

When she got home she sat down on her bed and cried. Her emotions were all over the place and being pregnant didn't help that much. To take her mind off Jonesy she turned the television on. There wasn't much on TV, just a soap opera on one channel, and the news on another channel and some cartoon on another channel. Susie sighed and turned it off again.

She yawned and lay back on the couch. She rested her head on the arm of the couch and before she knew it she had fallen asleep.

_"Susie!" She heard her name being called. In the distance she could see Jonesy, running towards her. He was trying to reach her but there was an invisible wall keeping them apart. Susie tried with all her strength to break the wall down but it wouldn't work. She kept banging her fists on the wall, trying to get to Jonesy. He started slipping away slowly, they were getting further and further apart. _

_"Susie!" Jonesy called. "Help me!" _

_"I cant…!" Susie called back. Her strength was diminishing. She was loosing her will to try. She kept pounding on the invisible wall until finally Jonesy slipped out of view. "Noooo!" She cried. _

_And she started being pulled away. She tried to break through the wall but there were hands reaching out to her, pulling her away. She tried hard to push them away but they were too strong for her. They were pulling her away, further and further away from the wall, further away from Jonesy. _

_"Noooo!" She screamed again. Then everything went black._

Susie awoke with a start. She was covered in sweat and she was having trouble breathing. She had tears running down her face and she felt like she was going to be sick.

She stood up and rushed to the bathroom and she only just made it before she threw up.

She collapsed on the floor and burst into tears.

"I hate being pregnant!" She cried and she threw up again.

_**Gotta find your inner strength  
If you can't then just throw life away  
Gotta learn to rely on you  
Beauty, strength, and wisdom, too  
You're beautiful inside and out  
Lead a great life without a doubt  
Don't need a man to make things fair  
'Cuz more than likely he won't be there  
Listen girl, gotta know it's true  
In the end all you've got is you**_

Well there ya go. That was the first chapter. Next chapter will be done soon…but I want at least 5 reviews or I'm not posting anymore lol!

Jess


	2. Elissa

Title: Inner Strength  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters you recognize. Elissa is my character…so you can't take her away!  
Dedication: To Blaire, Nat, Manda and Cath…my four best friends!  
Summary: Susie is feeling sad and alone…how does she deal with her pain?

Chapter 2 - Elissa

I sat on the bus thinking. I had just made the worst mistake of my life and now there was nothing I could do to change it. I had screwed up my life and now I had to fix it. I looked out the window at the pouring rain. I could see the storm was picking up. That was just what I needed. I had already traveled a fair distance but I still had a long way to go until I got to my destination. It was just what I needed to take my mind off of things. But I still had several hours to go before I even got near the city. Then I had to take a train to the town I was going to. There were only four people on the bus; an elderly couple, the mid 30's bus driver and I. I hated traveling alone. It made me look as if I didn't belong anywhere, as if I didn't have a family. But I suppose that's how I felt anyway. My family left me when I was a little baby. My mother died and until now I have had no idea who my father is. I was dropped at an orphanage and then I was passed around from foster home to foster home until I eventually got placed in a home with a nice little Texan family. They were unable to conceive a child so they adopted me and I've lived with them ever since. But they grew old and got tired of chasing after me. That was part of the reason I left. The other past I'd rather not talk about. But I can say that what happened ruined my life. So now I'm on my way to start a new life. A life where nobody knows about my past. Where nobody can hurt me. I'm going to live in some small unknown town where I can just get on with my life. But first I am going to find my father.

I sighed and closed my eyes. The only thing I had left to do was to sleep. So that's exactly what I did.

When I awoke, I yawned, stretched and made my way to the Loo at the back of the bus. It had been a long trip and we were nearly there. I stretched again before taking a seat and waiting for the bus to pull up at the station. From the station I was going to catch a connecting train to my final destination. I hated public transport. It was never the same as driving myself around. I was just about asleep again when I saw the station come into view. When the bus pulled up at the stop I stood up, grabbed my overhead bag and then stepped off the bus.

"Oh look Janice there's mum and Dad." I heard a voice call. I watched as the elderly couple walked up to a young couple and their little baby.

"Is this Charlie? Oh he's gorgeous." The old lady lifted the baby out of the pram.

"I'm so glad you could make it Mum, Dad." The young man said and he hugged the old man and woman.

It must be nice to have a family like that. I'd never known my parents, and I didn't know if I had brothers or sisters around either. I wanted to find out, I had nobody in the world and I needed a family. I was given a name of someone who knew my father. But I really don't know what I'm going to do when I find him. I don't even think he knows I exist.

As I walked through the station I looked at the timetable. There was still half an hour until my connecting train was due. I was starving and I really needed something decent to eat. I hadn't eaten a proper meal in three days and my stomach was starting to feel the consequences. The most I had eaten since I left home was a muesli bar and a few apples I picked off the tree before I left. I was just lucky that they were in season.

I would have bought some food, but the only money I had was the change from the tickets I had bought, which happened to be practically nothing!

As I walked past the food court I breathed in the smells. It all smelt so delicious. My stomach was rumbling and I couldn't stand the pain I was in. I needed to eat; the problem was if I spent my money I wouldn't have anything left for the rest of the trip.

In the end the smell just got too much for me and I gave in. when they handed me the tray of food I practically devoured it. I had never tasted anything so good. People stared at me as they walked past but I didn't care…my stomach was no longer grouchy…and I had eaten the best meal of my life.

When I had finished my meal I closed my eyes and smiled. It felt great to have eaten something more than apples and water for the first time in three days.

When I had finished my meal I headed back over to where my train was waiting. I handed the guy my ticket and walked through, looking for a spare cabin. I was almost at the other end of the train when I finally found a small compartment that was free. I placed my bag on the seat, got out my favourite book and settled down for the trip.

About ten minutes later the train started and I was on my way to Mt Thomas.

Meanwhile in Mt Thomas…

Susie stood in the kitchen holding a mug of coffee and looking out of the window. It was pouring with rain so she couldn't go for a jog to clear her head like she usually would. She was stuck thinking about things she couldn't deal with. Her head was filled with thoughts of Jonesy and what she was going to tell him about their baby. The last time she had spoken to him he was really made at her.

She had been working with the new detective on a case when he forced himself on her. Jonesy walked in just as the detective started kissing Susie. By the time she pushed him away Jonesy had stormed off. They had a huge fight and Jonesy didn't give Susie a chance to explain. He got called off for a family emergency and she hadn't seen him since their fight.

Susie sighed and put her mug in the sink. She turned to the fridge and got out some chocolate. Then she sunk down into the couch and settled down to watch a movie.

"This is the place?" Elissa looked down at the piece of paper with the name and address of her birth father. She looked back up at the small unit and sighed. "ah well…" She took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

When Susie heard the knocking she reluctantly stood up and made her way to the door.

"Can I help you?" She asked.

"Yeah. I'm looking for Brad Raynor."

"He err…he doesn't live here anymore."

"Do you know where I can reach him?"

"Who are you?"

"I'm Elissa Harrison…I'm his daughter."

* * *

DUN DUN DUN!

I'm loving the cliff hangers…I hope you do to. This is for Natty…hope you liked it!

Jiggly Wess


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